Embracing the Joy, Acknowledging the Fears

A core memory of mine is the birth of my little brother. At the time, we resided in North Carolina, while the midwife my mother had chosen resided in Tennessee. Being just 8 years old, I wasn't privy to all the intricate details and considerations surrounding the birth plan, particularly given the significant distance between us and the midwife's location. However, in the unfolding of this story, the original birth plan never had the opportunity to come to fruition.

My baby brother marked the culmination of my mother's remarkable journey, being the tenth child she would bring into the world. With her last three births taking place at home, she had acquired a level of expertise in the realm of childbirth, particularly in the context of home births. However, as we all know, birth possesses an inherent unpredictability that can throw even the most seasoned veterans an unexpected curveball.

The first twist in our narrative came when the primary midwife unexpectedly had to leave town. As a result, a backup midwife, also residing in Tennessee, entered the picture. To attend my mother's prenatal/introductory appointment with this substitute midwife, we embarked on a four-hour journey, loaded up in our 12-passenger van—necessitated by the presence of nine children in our family. We arrived at the midwife’s home, which was a small farm. As I recall, the excitement of exploring the new place with various animals around kept my siblings and I preoccupied. However, after a while, I became aware that something was different and that we were staying there for an unusually long time.

It was then that I learned that my mother had gone into labor. In order to keep us entertained and distracted, we were all gathered in front of the television. The midwife’s husband would routinely walk out and turn up the volume, as my mother’s contractions and labor intensified. Even with the television at full volume, the sounds of labor couldn't be fully masked. In the end, going outside in the pitch black of night seemed like a solution to provide some relief from the intensity of the situation. The fear I remember having felt may have stemmed from the unfamiliarity of the sounds of labor or the anticipation of what was happening to my mother. This was the closest I had ever been to experiencing birth.

As I entered adulthood, my fear of childbirth grew stronger. The media constantly reinforced the idea that it was a painful and traumatic experience. Friends and acquaintances would share horror stories of long, agonizing labors and complications during delivery. It seemed like everyone had a tale of excruciating pain and suffering.

I became convinced that childbirth was something to be feared, something to dread. The thought of going through such intense pain and uncertainty terrified me. I couldn't fathom how women willingly chose to embark on this journey, knowing what awaited them. Interestingly, I found myself developing fears surrounding home birth and natural birth, despite having my own mother as a living testament right in front of me, demonstrating that these methods were both normal and *safe.

What ultimately alleviated those deep-rooted fears and anxieties that had built up over two decades for me? Education became the transformative force. As I explored the intricacies of the miraculous journey of birth, I found myself captivated by its awe-inspiring nature. No longer did I maintain a fearful distance; instead, I developed a profound respect and appreciation for the extraordinary capabilities of the female body throughout pregnancy, labor, and childbirth.

Every discomfort and challenge I had once feared started to make sense as I gained knowledge. I discovered that each discomfort served a distinct purpose and, intriguingly, had corresponding methods to mitigate them. Allow me to provide an example: the hip pain experienced during pregnancy often stems from the hormonal changes that enable the hips to widen, creating space for the growing baby. Seeking the care of a skilled chiropractor has proven tremendously beneficial for many women, including myself, as it brings complete relief from this discomfort.

Another illustration lies in the phenomenon of back labor, which can arise from various causes. However, there are specific countermeasures available to alleviate the associated discomfort. Women have reported remarkable relief—ranging from 30% to 80%—when receiving targeted counter pressure from their trusted birth partner, doula, nurse, or midwife.

By expanding my understanding through education, I gained insight into the intricacies of childbirth. It enabled me to appreciate the purpose behind discomfort and discover effective methods to alleviate it. This newfound knowledge transformed my perspective, replacing fear with empowerment and equipping me with a sense of readiness to embrace the journey of birth.

The essence of my message is not to negate the presence of pain or dismiss the fears associated with childbirth. Rather, my position is that while childbirth involves pain, its intensity can vary, and with appropriate measures, it can be effectively managed. There are numerous resources available on pain relief during childbirth, and I also plan to contribute my insights on this topic.

Am I suggesting there's nothing to fear? No, I want to acknowledge that reasonable fears can accompany the journey of childbirth. Concerns about pain management, the possibility of a C-section, potential complications, and the well-being of the baby are all valid considerations. However, what I aim to convey is that amidst these fears and uncertainties, the profound joy of childbirth still exists. By shifting our focus more towards that joy and less on fear, we can experience profound effects on our ability to cope with labor.

Fear tends to create tension, while joy promotes surrender and release. This simple statement encapsulates an important truth, but as a mother of two, I understand that manifesting these words requires more than simply choosing to be joyful and not fearful. In part two of this post, I will delve into practical ways to enhance your joy in anticipation of birth and reduce your fears.

The core idea is that by cultivating a mindset that embraces the joy and acknowledges the fears, we can navigate the journey of childbirth with greater resilience and empowerment.

*home birth is safe option for low-risk pregnancies when attended by qualified midwives or experienced healthcare professionals.

Due Dates or Guess Dates?

Mama, I know it's hard being pregnant. Your back hurts, your feet are swollen, you are uncomfortable no matter what you do. Everyone keeps asking you if the baby is here yet and giving all their advice on how to induce labor naturally. This may be helpful, unless it's your grandma telling you to just have sex because that’s what worked for her. YIKES! Not necessarily helpful. We've been where you are. It takes lots of patience with yourself.  

Did you know that an average of 5% of babies are actually born on their due dates? Don’t stress about that magical date of when your baby may or may not arrive. When moms hear ‘due date’ they think ‘due by’ and that can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety. Pregnancy typically lasts between 37-42 weeks not the usual 40 weeks that is calculated to term. The average length of a pregnancy for a first-time mom is 41 weeks and 3 days. You are not really ‘past your due date’ unless you carry your baby past 42 weeks. We shouldn’t place such an importance on the due date because it is a guesstimated date. If you refer to it as a guess date or a due month it will help you have a more positive experience around the arrival of your baby and take the stress away over a single date. Generally, due dates are estimated on your last menstrual period, and it’s predicted under the assumption that we all have 28-day cycles and ovulate on day 14. Not all women are the same. 

 If your provider suggests you be induced because you’re past your due date make sure you are well informed on B.R.A.I.N.S, which means benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, and nothing. A first-time mom who is induced has a greater chance of having a Cesarean. We should mentally be prepared to go a week later. Our body and our baby know when to be born.  

So, what can start labor? Your baby will release a tiny hormone from their brain. It will travel to the placenta, into your bloodstream and signal the mom's brain to release what we call prostaglandins (which help soften the cervix) and also oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, that will help to stimulate labor contractions. With the presence of stress and anxiety, cortisol and adrenaline will go into ‘fight or flight’ mode and work against your body going into labor. I know it can be hard but try to cultivate a mindset of peace and contentment. Natural ways to induce labor may help if your baby is ready to be born. There are a lot of things you can do to prep your body for labor which will help you during labor but won't necessarily put you into labor. We get it you want that baby out! I promise you will not be pregnant forever.  

The Start of Something New

We all have to start somewhere, right? No one just finishes something they never started. So then if we must start somewhere the question becomes, where do we start? Beginnings can be daunting, but they don’t have to be. As a small child learns to walk there is almost always someone there holding out a helping hand, offering encouragement and support along the way. What a beautiful way to learn! What if childbirth education was like that? Not an over-copied informational hand-out given to you at your first prenatal appointment-the one that only lasted 5 minutes. Not a robotic voice repeating the same speech from when your mother was giving birth. What if instead you learned from other’s who are giving birth now, in the same season as you.

We all have the list of things we wish someone had told us. That’s where the Joys of Birth podcast and blog idea originated. Each pregnancy, birth, and postpartum experience is unique and yet they all have incredible similarities. Here in this space we want to share our joys and our hardships surrounding birth. We are glad you are here and we hope you will stick around as we continue to grow our original content, share birth stories, and offer childbirth education classes.